nailbites

I don’t care anymore. 
I don’t bother.
I just want to live.
Pass through
and come what may.

 

You were made whole

in the depths of a single neuron

wanting to hold all of men’s

goodness, nastiness, conceit.

You were made alive

by a memory of a boy I saw once

not twice, only once and I knew

he was the masterpiece long lost.

He was you, Efren! A blessed womb

your mother had when it held you

for a time and let you go

to seek love in this uncertain abode.

But have you failed to seek love yet?

I’ve been here waiting for how long I cannot count

the hours, the days, the years when finally

yours crossed my path, yes it did.

But you were looking straight up ahead

Never wanting to face the east

where I was standing, holding my gaze

to your wholeness longing for a soul not mine.

Had you turned your head, you would

have seen my eyes, and you’d get the chance

to know that my soul is never pushing

you away, but pulling you, hard…

…So that your soul ever so beautiful

would find my soul

ever so wonderful that

this uncertain abode that your mother

placed you into would become certain…

…for a time which maybe

forever; is it uncertain?

But my love for you,

my Efren, for sure is never!

Bern, 2011

on earth am I doing??

life without you.